From my rise to my falls, my motivation for running, racing or working out has always been my family, both immediate or adoptive, my friends, my community and most of all, the people who I represent at each run, those who deal with everyday struggles.
After getting to know a few people who have to deal with something that is making them take a second look on life, it makes me feel like whatever I went through, they go through hard or maybe even harder. But if I can make them smile or be proud for knowing that someone like me, a kid from the reservation could make them happy for one race, for one day, it is worth it all. Every mile, every drop of sweat, every sore muscle, just....everything.
To me, everyday is a given but at times, I always have that feeling like I have been running on borrowed time which means that there are days where I do not believe that I can still do this, after everything, the surgeries, the limitations.
As of late, I have some friends who have been discussing with me that they think I have been doing all of this, the charity work and running for them, which is 80% true because without them as motivation, I would not be able to do this. But deep beneath all that, I also do this for myself. Running has always been my form of therapy and I have been doing it for 15 years and still going. And just like any other runner, I've had my good days and I have always had my bad days. Nothing is ever just perfect, you make due with what you are given.
When I was getting ready for the half marathon back in September this year (insert flashback sequence), I met those who were survivors of suicide and I have met those who lost someone to suicide and the stories and the emotions put me in a place where I knew that someone had to take a stand, whether that person was me or not, it wasn't my place to judge. But I wanted to take a stand of my own to prove that no matter how much ugly there is in this world at times, it still can be beautiful. Just like everyone.
With my mother, she has always been my number 1 fan since I was a kid, from playing little league to cross country and track events, she was always there when I needed it. Even when I had a rough day at practice or at a meet, she was always there to say, "you did your best and I am very proud." For her and the rest of my family members, I was blessed at a young age and still am, because of them.
My adopted parents who I became a part of a few years back because of a wonderful young woman who I respect and very proud of, they have always been there for me as well. My adopted mother, Barbara has been my shoulder to lean on and has always been a great lending voice to listen to. As for my adopted father, Steven, he has been my idol and role model because of his major role as a husband, a father, a brother, a son and most of all, a great friend. He and I get together a lot and I have been so blessed for him and my adopted mother because without them, I wouldn't be much of a strong force today. Even with their daughters who are a part of me, Marnie, Megan, and Morgan, they remind me of my 3 sisters I have back at home, each one so different but with great hearts.
My friends who are nearby and some far away, we've all had our great times together and continue to make more. Even at my worst days, they bring me up to a level where I smile and have a great sense of pride in myself. With the current family I hang out with, the Johnsons and the Meadows combined have been some good times with our laughter and joking. Since I moved to Washburn, I was more of a loner because all I did was work and run. And as soon as I met a guy who I have considered to be one of my best friends, he amazed me when he stepped up to the father and husband role and did it in an awesome way. After hanging out with him, he got me introduced to a kid who has become like a little brother to me and like I said, let the good times roll with all of us. They are great people who motivate me.
Everyone has played a huge role in my life and when I run, I run for them as well because without the engine parts, this train isn't going anywhere but the station.
My philosophy has been that those who make you whole are those you want around in your life because they are your foundation.
Again, this is another wordy blog and I hope none of you have fallen asleep by my ramble, I just thought I would pay some respects to those who help get me this far and for those of you who I have missed, I apologize but you are in my heart and in my muscles. And I am pulling a Jerry Maguire moment here but You....Complete.....Me. Insert tear drop here :)
I wish you all a great day and I hope you can look around you and appreciate those who motivate you in any different way.
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