Greetings one and all again to a new blog installment from the mad runner and I hope you all are doing well and with Christmas and New Years just right around the corner, I wish you all a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Years and safe travels to many who are venturing out to many destinations.
This new blog is going to take you into a perspective and questions that has been brought to my attention for the past few months and I feel like it has to be addressed and it is a subject that I have been a personal attacks by many I assumed were good friends in the running industry.
Growing up and listening to old war stories of my biological father making his destiny of going to the Olympic games in 1984 and about how great he was. And to all runners who start out always would think that one day, I will make it to the Olympics and it's a dream some have taken and try to make it a reality. Was it mine? Of course and I worked hard during the last round to make it as far as I could and did I fail? Yes. I am not ashamed to say that I took a shot and didn't get it because I knew I wasn't ready for that life or that achievement. And after that, I battled through my own demons and like many, that dream felt like a nightmare because of what it is and what it isn't.
For awhile, I felt like I let everyone down, my family, friends, and most of all, my tribal nation and it took me awhile to accept that I failed big time but a wise man once told me that, "if you fall, fall hard and get back up because you have to sink to an absolute low before things start looking up." My mental and spiritual game was back in and wanted to get back into running and find myself again because when you are set out on a goal that to some, seem impossible, but to you....it is more than just a passion. I got back into running for the main reason why I got into it, for the pure joy of it, not money, gold medals, sponsorships, and the spotlight. Running has never been that to me because to me, it was a way of life, an addiction because when it came from running 3 miles to 15 miles a day and averaging 30-60 miles a week, you are amazed on how far you can push yourself.
Back in October of this year, I was approached by a good friend I met years ago when he was training for a spot on the Olympic team back in 2008 and he called me out of the blue because he found my contact info, and he wanted to see what I was up to and I told him about the half marathon and others races and he said, "I was worried that old age would've put you in retirement." After an hour of joking and catching up, he told me that his main purpose was the call was to offer me a spot at the USATF (United States Track and Field) organization is hosting a masters outdoor track and field event in Bloomington, Indiana in May of 2012 and he said if I ran the race (800 meters) and placed in the top 5, I would have earned my spot to the Olympic Trials in Eugene, Oregon and see how I do from there.
After we talked, it was the constant thought in my head....the shot to relive my dream, again. But at what cost? And after a month, it was a distant thought in my head because I was focusing my time and energy on my charities I am running for and that was my main concern.
A week ago, I got a phone call from him again and he told me he didn't want to rush me but he needed to know before we draw up the paperwork, get a physical and make an appearance with the boys in Beaverton, Oregon but I told him I had to respectfully decline the offer because it is not that I am honored to be asked to do it again but I have a good thing going for me and if I was to take on this HUGE opportunity, I would have to drop many races scheduled for the charities and I would've turned my back on those who need me. I made a promise to them and I am not going back on it.
And since I made my decision, I have told some of my running buddies stationed over many parts of the states, they are quite upset with me because they have said, "You do not turn down an offer like this. You are an idiot. You must be wrong in the head. You mean well with what you are doing but you cannot turn down this offer. You are not making any money doing these races, the money is the other path." And I got so freaking tired of the hate I was receiving because it has NOTHING to do with the money or the fame. It has to do with standing up for many and to stand beside them when times are tough and for every smile and everything that makes them feel better and if what I am doing helps them, it is worth any gold medals I would ever try to work for.
I will tell you this, I have no regrets in my actions because this is where I belong and I will stand my ground because it is what I believe in and there is no way in hell that I am quitting. And to those who still hate on me, I hope one day you will understand why I did this. And to those who are still standing next to me, I thank you.
I hope this blog will make you understand what I go through on somewhat a daily basis and the battles I endure but my sacrifices and everything I go through is worth it, down to the last drop of sweat and last ounce of energy. I have my beliefs and I respect them and I hope you do the same too. And if people start to hate on you or your beliefs, remember this, I would rather be hated on for something that I am rather than being loved for something that I am not.
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